Jeeves And Wooster, the ongoing love story

It would appear Sir, that I have been tigged by your tag!

2006-01-23T17:19:00.000Z

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1) Page Boy
2) Groom
3) Butler (Gentleman's Gentleman)
4) Master Spy

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1) I am rather partial to Laurel & Hardy's "From Soup to Nuts"
2) Harold Lloyd is a wonder!
3) That Alfred Hitchcok has a promising career and has made some splendid motion pictures. The Lodger is rather fine.
4) King Kong. I love big hairy things!

Four Places You've Lived
1) Many many pstairs attic rooms at various staely homes.
2) Mr Wooster's apartment
3) The Lady Rachel's lovely home (our marital one)
4) Inside a locked iron casket for four months. It was a test of endurance. I didn't endure. They had to let me out after 4 minutes becasue somebody kept sticking something in through the air hole in the side, so that it cut off the oxygen supply.

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1) Television hmmm. Not caught many programmes as the picture qulaity is so bad. One only hopes that in the future the don't make them the size of outhouses with a screen the size of beer-met. But... I have seen the following... Butler: How to Handle the Nobs.
2) Nobs and their Peers
3) Super Spies and Private Dicks
4) Big Ben Does it Again. Some sort of music hall affair.

Four Places You've Been On Holiday/Vacation
1) As a young lad I nearly went down on the Titanic but luckily I disembarked at Capetown, Ireland.
2) Brest, France
3) Big Beaver, Pennsylvania, United States
4) Camping holidays as a child in Brown Willy, Cornwall, United Kingdom

Four Of Your Favorite Foods
1) Suckling pig
2) Iced Fingers
3) Fairy Cakes
4) Those ginormous sausages you get at Fish & Chip Emporiums

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1) Right now? Instead of answering this ridiculous questionairre? Lets see... Plumping Lady Rachels pillows.
2) Starching Mr Wooster's collars.
3) Locked in an iron casket or...
4) Going down on the Titanic.

Jeeves

Aparantly, Jeeves, I've been tagged

2006-01-23T11:54:00.000Z

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1) I once posed as a deck hand on a cruise ship, jolly good fun
2) Hand
3) That's it, I can quite happily survive without partaking in work
4)

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1) The Kid - Charlie Chaplin
2) Anything with the lovely flexible Buster Keaton in
3)
4)

Four Places You've Lived
1) India for a short spell
2) Egypt, although i was taken by force
3)
4)

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1) Dolly and the Amazing one eyed snake
2) Sally and her hardy pink playmate
3) Tess and Mr Tess
4) Susie gets her Knob Out

Four Places You've Been On Holiday/Vacation
1) Isle of Men
2) Gay Paris
3) India
4) Jamaica

Four Of Your Favorite Foods
1) Caviar
2) Toast
3) Pink Champagne
4) Delicate entrees

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1) With Jeeves
2) A balcony in a sunny climate
3) In a nice cafe, drinking hot chocolate and writing
4) In a theatre

Bertie

Be Gone!

2005-10-17T12:56:00.000+01:00

Sir,

If only you knew how many letters and parcels I have been sent over the past 4 months claiming to be from Mr Wooster. All these people have turned out to be rather queer sorts. I shall therefore say this to you once and once only...

I will not be meeting you.

I am sick and tired of wild goose chases. I would ask you never to darken my letterbox again.

Yours sincerely

Jeeves

In Hiding

2005-10-15T11:45:00.000+01:00

Jeeves.... I can't talk long... I have been trying to get a message to you since we lost contact in France... for the last 4 months I have been searching for you! I finally found out where you got to when I ran into Arthur Domenow, his last words came from under car 'Jeeves misses you, he's in ...' I will not disclose what he said here as it may be read and then others will know of your now whereabouts... in fact I may not even write it on the envelope for fear of you being found and taken away from me again...
I have been advised to avoid contact with anyone from my past life.
I can no longer!
I wish to return, as Bertie Wooster! And be proud! Loud and proud!

I have however grown a beard.

Can I meet you up the back pasage tonight? You know the spot...

Bertie

Poison Pen

2005-05-11T11:17:00.000+01:00

To whom it may concern,

The disappearance of Wooster is no mystery. For it was I who ordered his abduction.

We removed him from his bed and replaced him with the corpse of one of our previous victims. It was this body which the Police picked up believing it to be Wooster.

The idea was to create confusion among his friends and loved ones, and to lure the ever resourceful Jeeves into a fiendishly diabolical trap. Unfortunately he didn't seem all that bothered by the disappearance of his 'master', apparantly Wooster made a regular habit of vanishing and then not being seen for long periods of time.

I waited and waited for Jeeves to work out the subtle yet incredibly convolluted and illogical clues I left, but to no avail. He didn't come to Wooster's rescue...

And it is for this reason, and this alone that I now inform you, that your disinterest in Woosters welfare has been the cause of his demise. Yes, you heard me correctly. DEMISE. The silly ass was far too much for me or any of my men to take so I had some of them take him outside and bump him off. I believe they, "stuck it to him real good!"

To be fair, I cannot fathom how Jeeves was able to put up with Wooster for all this time. So perhaps I have done him a service.

Now it would seem that Jeeves had flown the country, I think a trip over to Gay Paris may well be in order. I cannot let my arch enemy evade me any longer. He has proved as slippery as an eel. I must grasp him firmly in both hands to ensure he doesn't wriggle free again!

Your ever maniacal super-fiend,

Doctor N.

PS. Incase you were wondering, Jenkins was indeed in my employ.

On business...

2005-05-09T12:13:00.000+01:00

Madam,

I pen this note to you so that you may pass on my news to Mr Wooster, should he ever resurface. I have been called away on urgent business, of a very delicate nature. So delicate I am sworn not to reveal any details to anyone. I will of course keep in touch.

The only piece of infomation I can give you at present is that I am to travel to Paris this afternoon. So you may recieve a French letter from me before too long.

I cannot say when I shall return but you will be the first to know.

Your ever obediant,

Jeeves

Stiff as a board

2005-04-18T20:11:00.000+01:00

Inspector,

I arrived at the Police Station late afternoon. I was sad not to see you there but I understood you had other things to attend to.

I was conducted to the mortuary where I was to identify the body... I did not recognise the man laying on the slab. Inspector, whoever he is, he is categorically not Mr. Wooster. A dreadful case of mistaken identity has occured. Did you not actually take the time to see if Mr. Wooster was Mr. Wooster.

What puzzles me, is how long was he actually dead? Doctor Hue popped in and gave the body the once over and informed me that he had probably been dead some days. Which would explain his reluctance to eat anything.

You say whoever this was was found in Mr. Wooster's bed by your Policemen? What on Earth was a dead body doing in Mr. Wooster's bed? And where in Heaven's name is Mr. Wooster?

Jeeves

Limp as a lettuce!

2005-04-18T10:11:00.000+01:00

Jeeves!

Dreadful news! When I entered Mr. Wooster's cell this morning, to wake him in time for your imminent arrival, I found him limp and lifeless. This may not be that strange an occurence, but on closer inspection... He was found to be DEAD!

I can't begin to express my sorrow. I have absolutely no idea how this could have happened. One theory is that he may have died from starvation, as he has not eaten a sausage since we banged him up.

I will instigate a thorough investigation immediately. You may have to come and identify the body. But as you were on your way to pick him up anyway, you won't be going out of your way will you.

I hope to see you later this afternoon. I may have to pop out if something else arises and in the event that this is the case I shall leave you in the hands of Constable Rash.

Again, may heart felt apologies that Mr. Wooster should meet his end in Police Custody...

With sadness,

Inspector Kreviss

Four guests at a funeral

2005-04-15T15:28:00.000+01:00

Inspector,

It was a shame you couldn't make it to the Colonel's funeral. The send off was wonderful.

The three ladies and myself looked a picture in black, stood along the grave-side. The floral arrangement "Upyabutt" which I ordered looked fantastic. I would have liked to have seen you get it up on top of the coffin though. It would have been a nice addition to the service.

Father Handelme said some beautiful words which I shall recount for you now;

When I think of Hugh Jedique Upyabutt I cannot help but smile. We were at Eaton together as boys and I fondly recall a school trip to Nancy, France. We were welcomed open-armed by all, and made honoury Nancy boys. A honour we always held dear over the years.

He had always been rather small, but boy how he grew! He became a magnificent man, a pillar of society and a jolly good sort. In this little community or ours, never was there such an upstanding member.

I shall miss him dearly and remember him fondly. For now, goodbye my dear...

Then he looked down and I heard him muttering under his breath;

Pecker up Old Boy!

The ladies were in floods of tears, through grief and sorrow I think, but one of them did sound like they were giggling.

We all tossed a handful of dirt into the grave after the coffin had been lowered and then left a couple of young burly gentlemen to fill in the Colonel's hole.

All in all a lovely day out. We shall either be able to pick Mr. Wooster up on Sunday evening or Monday morning. Is this acceptable? If so expect to see us soon.

Jeeves

Going down

2005-04-14T23:27:00.000+01:00

Inspector,

I hope Mr. Wooster is safely tucked up for the night. Lady Rachel, myself and her two companions are eating out tonight. They say they know a delightful place which serves a glorious finger buffet.

Our arrangements for the funeral are as follows; we are planning an extended break down to the coast so I shall be coming with the ladies and we will pop in to pay our respects to the Colonel before we go down.

So if you could possible hold on to Mr. Wooster for a little longer?

See you tomorrow.

Jeeves

A short one...

2005-04-14T07:41:00.000+01:00

Jeeves

Mr. Wooster was bundled into the back of a police van yesterday and taken down to Knack Street nick. He spent a comfortable night in our deluxe cell.

You were right he is very lazy. Not once did he wake and even ask what we were doing and he hasn't made use of our room service facility either.

He should be safe until after Colonel Upyabutt's funeral.

Inspector Kreviss

Pick up

2005-04-13T07:52:00.000+01:00

Inspector,

That sounds like a wonderful idea. You can have your men pick him up today if you wish. I have a few affairs to see to, and could do with not having him under my feet.

I will leave the keys under the long rock beside the foot-scraper. The key isn't a very good fit and the door is known to stick, so they may well have to jiggle it round before giving it a good bang.

Mr. Wooster will no doubt be upstairs in bed. His room is the first door on the left.

Right, I'm already late so I better shoot off!

Jeeves

Banged up Bertie?

2005-04-12T21:12:00.000+01:00

Jeeves,

I may have a solution vis a vis the Wooster situation. If you are at all worried about leaving him alone for any length of time I could have some of the boys in blue down the nick bang him up in a cell. How does that sound?

I've already asked some of them and they recall Mr. Wooster from the Stag Night, and seemed more than willing to lend their services.

The funeral is on Friday at the Church of the Innacurate Conception. See you there!

Inspector Kreviss

Farewell Funeral

2005-04-12T17:55:00.000+01:00

Inspector Kreviss,

I shall indeed attend Colonel Upyabutt's funeral. Mr. Wooster is still feeling the ill effects of his ordeal and is very week indeed. I have never seen someone so limp wristed! As a result I doubt he will be able to attend.

He has instructed me to send a wreath. A floral arrangement of the Colonel's name. I can just see it now... Upyabutt on the coffin...

If it is acceptable I shall bring the Lady Rachel and her two comapnions along for the ride. I think Mr. Wooster shall be alright on his own for the day. He won't even notice we're gone. He has become so lazy and lethargic of late. To be perfectly honest with you, Butling for him has lost some of its shine over the past few months. He no longer calls on my intellect and wit to assist him in his day to day life, he just expects me to be there at every possible moment.

He takes me for granted. Lady Rachel on the other hand is much more accomodating. She is far gentler than Mr. Wooster. And giving her what she needs brings a smile to my face. At one point I was a little dubious about their upcoming marriage.

I pretended I wasn't as bothered as I really was. But now I think the sooner they are wed the better, because between you me and the bedpost I will be able to spend much more time in her company that way. Whatever you do, don't tell Mr. Wooster, he would have a fit, were he not so laid back and lifeless. And do yo uknow what he has put on rather a lot of weight of late. He's turned into such a porker.

Anyway...

See you at the funeral!

Jeeves

Dead as a door knob!

2005-04-11T19:27:00.000+01:00

Dear Mr Jeeves,

Thank you for the tip off. I was up and at 'em as soon as I could muster the man power.

We did not witness any suspicious characters at the Colonel's abode, but we did find the Colonel faced down on the floor of his study with a gardening implement protruding from his back. It was a bloody mess!

I will stop at nothing in my pursuit of his murderer. If I catch the miscreant who commited this dreadful deed he will feel the sharp end of my tongue, and more besides!

Colonel Hugh Jedique Upyabutt was a good friend of mine as I know he was of you and Mr. Wooster, I will remember with fondness a man of great verility and humour. I knew him before he joined the forces of course and to me he will always be purely and simply, Upyabutt.

Yours sincerely,

Inspector Kreviss

PS I pressume you will be there for the funeral?

MURDER!

2005-04-11T18:13:00.000+01:00

Inspector Kreviss,

I have received a message which worries me somewhat. From what I can deduce, Colonel Upyabutt has been murdered. If you could nip over and have a little investigation it would be most appreciated.

You may need to take your truncheon out however, as they may be a nefarious chap named Jenkins loitering around the Colonel's back end. So handle yourself with care!

Jeeves

Going Going Gone!

2005-04-07T10:02:00.000+01:00

Sirs,

Calamitous news! This Jenkins fellow came into my room via the window. Seeing this fellow enter in such a way near damn scared the living daylights out of me.

He then leapt, grabbing me by the neck and shaking me violently. I was like a rag doll in his strong muscular hands, as he tossed me around the room. After a few minutes of this he dropped me on the floor and jumped back out of the window.

When I finally regained my composure I found that he had left a calling card on my bed-covers. I have sent this to the same place I sent the flowers. Was this the right thing to do Jeeves? They said they would contact you with the results.

It was only after I had washed, dressed, had my breakfast and sent the evidence off, that I noticed something else Jenkins had left behind. There appeared to be a pitchfork sticking out of my back. I have lost a lot of blood and now summon my last remaining strength to pen this note.

Fond memories Bertie...

Upyabu.............................................

Wakey Wakey!

2005-04-06T19:05:00.000+01:00

Sir,

I most definately did come. In fact I bundled you up in a blanket and heaved you into the back of a waiting motor vehicle.

Didn't you notice the different surroundings when you awoke for long enough to pen that short note? I leave this message for you so that you have something to read when you wake. I have been trying to arouse you for hours but was getting tired myself. You must have regained consciousness just as I was leaving.

Colonel Upyabutt has had the Sunflowers sent to a Government Body to have them looked over. There seemed to be some sort of mechanism hidden within them. When I came to collect you Sniknej, or rather Jenkins was lurking around the back entrance, so the Colonel distracted him while I came up the rear.

I have left the little window open to let in some fresh air. I don't know what the Colonel has been feeding you , but it appears to have some nasty side-effects.

I will be up soon with something hot for you.

Pecker up Sir, things are looking good!

Jeeves

P.S. Lady Rachel sends her love and hopes I shall be able to return soon to continue servicing her. Oh and she says she misses you too.

Left high and dry

2005-04-06T16:49:00.000+01:00

Jeeves

You didn't come!
I'm very disapointed.
I will try again tomorrow, please aid me!

Bertie

All is revealed?

2005-04-05T22:20:00.000+01:00

Sir,

Is it really true? Is there some devious plot to keep you subdued?

I thought it was Jenkins I spied! Who is he? What is he up to?

Has the Colonel not been taking care of you then? How can he have been hoodwinked by Jenkins? Ah, but then again you were weren't you.

Hang on, I read that not the Colonel sent to Lady Rachel... Sniknej! Of course JENKINS! How could I have missed that obvious piece of deception!? My superiors wouldn't be impress... er I mean the other chaps at the Butler's Club wouldn't be impressed.

Once I have tucked Lady Rachel in and read her a bed-time story I shall pack an over-night case and hurry on over to Upyabutt's. I will enter round the back.

Jeeves

PS Pressuming Upyabutt is reading you this message as you are too weak to do so yourself. GEt rid of the Sunflowers Colonel! I believe they are 'bugged'. Oh and leave the back door on the latch. I will be up by midnight!

Thermometer

2005-04-05T21:40:00.000+01:00

Jeeves!

Please, please help me.
I can barely write, talk, or do anything.
Everytime Upyabutt comes close I have to pretend I'm dead so he'll stop doing dreadful things to me!
And Jenkins is still here!! HE'S HERE JEEVES I SWEAR IT!
I am planning an escape tonight... I am heading for the country cottage... please some to the cottage with me! I know you like cottaging..! Jeeves... please!

Bertie

Bad tidings

2005-04-05T15:47:00.000+01:00

Dear Madam,

I must inform you that your husband-to-be has taken a turn for the worse. Jeeves is indeed correct in his assumption that Mr. Wooster is in a coma. He is nothing more than a vegetable, but you must have already known that.

Due to this nasty turn of events I have been unable to tend my garden and therefore have employed a rugged young gentleman by the name of Sniknej. I think he may be Polish... Anyway...

This now means that I can give my full attention to the caring of Mr. Wooster. The medicine he was prescribed has been hard to give him since he slipped into his deep state of unconsciousness. I have had to make use of a piece of medical equipment that Dr. Hue left here. It makes it possible to inject the tablets into Mr Wooster's body without any need for him to swallow. Fortunately Mr. Wooster's mouth is wide open (a symptom of the illness perhaps?) so getting it in there isn't a problem, its just the swallowing part I've had to overcome.

I was going to invite you and Jeeves to come and visit Mr. Wooster but Sniknej thought it better that you not see him in this state. I tend to agree, it is not a pretty site. There he lays with dribble trickling out of his mouth. Most distasteful...

Sniknej brought in a large vase of Sunflowers today and placed them next to Mr. Wooster's bed. Its funny you know, because I thought it was only when they were alive that they turned to face the sun, but these severed stems continue to turn and face different directions, throughout the day. And it doesn't even seem to matter if the sun is shining or not, or in which direction! Curious things Sunflowers. I prefer Pansies myself...

Chin up,

Colonel Hugh Jedique Upyabutt

Wish you were here...

2005-04-03T22:17:00.000+01:00

Sir,

I take it from the prolonged absence of communications that you are in a coma. Don't worry I have been taking care of the lovely Lady Rachel and her two delightful lady friends.

We all went out for a picnic the other day and we went punting on the Cam. The ladies were all extremely impressed with my pole action. I let them have a go, but it'd take me a long time to get them as good as me. But it'll be fun trying!

Later on we stopped off at a Tea Shop for some crumpet. Lady Rachel ordered some scones. She couldn't get enough cream! It went everywhere!

Today I took them all up the bell tower. From the dizzy heights we could see Upyabutts in the distance. It may have been the hot sun, but I swear I saw someone who looked like Jenkins hiding in a bush. When I had a second look however there was no-one there. So it must have been a trick of the light. Or maybe I am going blind...

Anyway I tire of this writing. The Lady Rachel is wearing me out with her constant cravings, but I will keep a stiff upper...

Hope you get well soon

Jeeves

Maid in England

2005-03-13T17:59:00.000Z

Sir,

You continue to worry me. Whatever this illness is it seems to have made you extremely paranoid.

I came into your room and noticed the open window. I looked out just in time to see a maid running rather unsteadily toward the woods. It was only after I found your note that I knew who it was. I know all this has been a drag for you, but there really is no call for you to run away. I only hope the General will be able to put you up for a few days until you are better again.

Lady Rachel has sent everyone on their way, but Miss Fanny and Miss Virginia are staying on for a few more days. Your future wife has requested I stay too and service them as well as her. As she will soon be my mistress I saw it only fit that I should do as she requested. This means that I will have my hands full for a while, but as soon as they relieve me I will come round Upyabutt's.

See you soon,

Jeeves

PS Dr Hue says he will be sending your medication to the General's abode so that he may give it to you.

Crept out the back end

2005-03-13T17:06:00.000Z

Jeeves

If you find this note you will know I have escaped.
You are the only one I can trust with this information. I managed to shimmy down the pipe outside my window, my but it was hard, but I made it, even in my dozy state.
Once outside I realised I was still in my jimjams and stole some of the servants clothing to escape in. I do believe a maids outfit suits me.
After bolting from the estate I have managed to find a hide away with my good friend General Upyabutt. I will be staying there, and hope you will come
and visit soon!

Bertie

Up and at 'em!

2005-03-13T15:08:00.000Z

Sir,

I arose early this morning, such was my eagerness to check on you. Apologies for not being able to come again last night, but the guests just wouldn't let me go. I think there are still one or two people still sleeping it off.

Montgomery Full's party piece was an eye-opener I can tell you. Not as eye-opening as mine though. I surprised myself to be completely honest with you. Lady Rachel's eyes were practicaly on stalks, and very nearly literally, when she fainted and fell head-first into the buffet. She narrowly avoided the tray of little sausages on cocktail sticks.

I had to carry her up to her room and get her ready for bed. I hope you don't mind me seeing your wife-to-be in such a state, but it is nothing I haven't seen before (though I suspect something you have never seen...)

Once she was in her nighty I came to see if you were alright, but I had forgotten the key which Lady Rachel said she had concealed somewhere safe. Somewhere you would never look... I wasn't sure what she meant by this, but I failed to locate the key until much, much later, by which time I was exhausted and drifted into unconsciousness myself.

When I came round I found myself draped across the foot of Lady Rachel's bed. She was still fast asleep, and at some point in the evening had been joined by Miss Fanny and Miss Virginia. But I have no recollection of them coming. They looked so peaceful, like three visions of loveliness that I couldn't bring myself to arouse them. Although I would have liked to...

I really was hoping that you'd have been up for your party, but alas it wasn't to be. Well you always have your honeymoon to look forward to. The Lady Rachel said she has organised a trip to the little village of Nobb's End. I informed her that you had always prefered a cruise, but she had already made all the arrangements. She also invited me to join you both, as she knows how dependant you have become on me over the years to do everything for you...

I leave this note for you to read when you finally get up. I have also left you some breakfast consisting of cup of tea and soft-boiled egg. I have buttered up some soldiers that come with it, as I know how much you like them!

Yours,

Jeeves

There, there...

2005-03-12T23:47:00.000Z

Sir,

I have just come upstairs to fetch Lady Rachel's tap shoes. She is going to entertain us all with a little show. It turns out that one of her friends, a Miss Fanny, is from Poland. I must say I have never seen a Pole dance before, but it is quite something. Quite unlike anything I have ever seen before.

It saddens me to think you are under such delusions about the Lady Rachel. She is ever so sweet, and does have your best interests at heart. I will get the key off Lady Rachel later in the evening so I can pop in and check on you.

Dr Hue said if I wanted to I could administer your next dose of medication. Aparantly, to get the best results, I need to inject it into you in just the right spot.

If you have come round just long enough to read this message, I just wish to let you know the party is a roaring success. So you need not worry about anything.

I will be up again in an hour. I Hope you can hold on. Mind you, by rights you should be unconscious, so you shouldn't notice me coming in anyway.

Fear not Sir. All's well that ends well.

Yours,

Jeeves

Sliping it under

2005-03-12T23:41:00.000Z

Jeeves!

I have written this note quickly and am going to slip it through the crack under the door.
I fear that Rachel and Dr Hue are going to kill me. I can hardly move, I can hardly talk, in fact everything's pretty hard right now.
I also fear that she may be sucking you in... don't let her!
Help me Jeeves
I'm fading fast

Bertie

Up for it!

2005-03-12T21:52:00.000Z

My Dear Lady,

I am glad that Dr Hue was able to service Mr. Wooster. I must agree with you that he should not exert himself. To this end perhaps it would be a good idea to lock him in his room, just in case he sleep-walks or stumbles around in delirium.

I am sorry to hear about your maid's minor mishap. It would be a delight and nay a pleasure to put my hands at your disposal. I have very nimble fingers and will therefore be able to sort out any fiddley bits.

I think a combined Hen and Stag Night sounds like a marvelous idea! It could turn out to be a most interesting evening. I have let all the necessary parties know of the change of venue so they should all be arriving with in the next hour or two. So we better get a move on! I will be up to your room a.s.a.p.

I am so excited about this get-together, I can hardly contain myself! I have planned some party games; Postman's Knock, Sardines and Mr. Wooster's personal favourite, Blindman's Buff. I hope that you will enjoy playing with me, as I know I shall with you!

I have also laid the table with a repast fit for a King, or Queen come to that... I pray everyone will like the taste of my nibbles.

Yours,

Jeeves

Swinging Party

2005-03-12T17:05:00.000Z

Dearest Jeeves,

I have of course called in Dr Hue for a quickie consulation with dear Bertie. I have suggested some drugs I know mumsie found most perky when she was suffering from quivers last summer, so hopefully the doctor will be able to give him a good one.

In one of his more lucid moments during our morning session, Bertie requested that the stag night go on without him (he never was one to let a good do go to waste). Since Bertie will be completely unconscious for the next 24 hours (the Dr is excellent at knocking the wind out of a patient), I wondered if myself, Fanny and Virginia may join you and the boys for the shin-dig. We would so love the entertainment, and I have been on the receiving end of Mr Jonathan Cum-Lately at numerous parties and always found him to be quite jolly.

I know you must be anxious to service your Bertie, but he will be completely unaware of the world surrounding him, and I could also do with your help preparing for the evening's entertainment. My lady-servant got rather over excited when I interfered with her dressing me the other day and broke a finger - do you suppose you could lend a hand? We are so short staffed these days, and that will never do.

As I said, it would be best if you saved visiting Bertie tomorrow - he does tend to get rather over-excited when you are around, and I'm sure such rigours cannot be good for his failing health.

Yours kindly

Lady Rachel

Talking in tongues?

2005-03-12T13:59:00.000Z

Dear Lady,

I have received a garbled nonsensical message from Mr. Wooster. I think he must be delirious, and not because he's marrying you (and to tell the truth he has expressed some concerns on that front)

I went in to see him earlier and he was unconscious (I found the note to which I have refered, scribbled in pencil upon a collar). I bent over to see if he was alright. A thick sticky film covered his skin, which was cold and clammy to the touch. I think its about time we called for a Doctor. Mr. Wooster's Doctor in town is Dr. Grant Hue . He would be here as soon as possible. I know he drives a sporty little number and loves the countryside. He has shown Mr. Wooster and myself his collection of photographs he took when he was camping.

As Mr. Wooster's fiance I believe you should make the call. I will stay by his side until Dr Hue arrives. Unless you wish to stay and give him a bed bath with me? We want him looking his best for his check-up.

I just hope the Doctor has something he can pop down Mr. Wooster's throat that will get him up and out of bed. If not the Stag Night will have to be cancelled... Although we could change the venue and invite everyone here. What do you think?

Yours,

Jeeves

Jeeves, you are my only hope!

2005-03-12T13:53:00.000Z

Jeeves!

You must help me.

Everyone is against me... i dont know what is real or unreal any more.
They keep fillingmy mouth full of things to keep me quiet. I need you to help me!

Bertie!

I came in the night...

2005-03-11T07:59:00.000Z

Dear Lady,

I hope the appearance of this note does not shock you. I was held up last night with a punctured tyre. I needed to pull off at the side of the road and sort it out. I finally arrived at your abode at around 3am. I tried knocking up one of your maids but failed to rouse her.

I managed to ease open an entrance and come inside. It was a tight squeeze but I managed not to hurt myself in any way. But for future reference I advise you keep that small downstairs window locked. Any old person could break into you!

I have made myself up a room at the top of the house in the servants quarters. If you need me for anything I should be there. Unless its after 5.30am, as I tend to be an early riser (even with just 2 hours sleep!)

Yours

Jeeves

Come up and see you?

2005-03-10T17:02:00.000Z

My dear Lady Rachel,

What an almost uncontrolably exciting surprise it is to hear from you. I have long hankered a desire to receive something from your hand.

Mr Wooster is so slack when it comes to keeping in touch. And its always the excuse of illness or incarceration....

So he has a temperature does he? I remember last year he told me he had a fever and required his temperature taking. A side effect of whatever infection he had was that his teeth were locked tight, which made taking his temperature a tad tricky. He suggested a way round it though, through gritted teeth...

Your invitation will indeed be excepted. The chance to come up yours for a night is impossible to turn down. It will be lovely to explore your undiscovered country... You may have to give me directions though, as I am a little unfamiliar with the rolling hills and secret valleys...

I shall endeavour to reach you this evening if that is acceptable. I hope a tasty spread will be laid out for me as I am liable to be extremely ravenous by the time I reach you.

I am hoping the Stag Party will be a huge success. But to be fair part of me is intrigued by your little Hen Night with Fanny and Virginia. And the oppurtunity to see a cock would be nice too. When I was a lad I spent many summers working as a farm-hand and would often be awoken by the sound of one coming through the open window.

If Mr Wooster continues to feel ill it would be a pleasure to keep you company. But don't keep me up too long as I do have my duties to attend to. But I suppose once you and Sir are married I will be at your command to...

I would love to hear your lady-in-waiting tinkle on the ivories. I am quite an accomplished musician myself so could maybe give her a few pointers as to where her fingers should be placed to get the most out of her abilities. My instrument by choice is the trumpet. Unfortunately I have not had one of my own for some years. Just the chance to blow my own once more would be exquisite.

I look forward to seeing more of you in the next day or two.

Your ever obedient,

Jeeves

All A Quiver

2005-03-10T13:56:00.000Z

Dearest Jeeves,

I am having to write on dear Bertie's behalf, as he has been laid up this last week with quivers. I have been giving him frequent sponge baths but I can tell it does nothing for him. He asks for you daily, and I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to join us both at my house in the country - I'm sure we could all have a jolly romp out here, and it would certainly perk Bertie up to see his faithful man-servant.

Hopefully, with your assistence Bertie will be up and about again in time for your little Stag Party - which I must say sounds dreadfully exciting. Alas, my Hen Night will be just myself, Fanny and Virginia who can be jolly good chatters at afternoon tea, but have no idea how to muck in and have fun at a lady party. I have been promised a nice gift of a cock - but honestly, what is one to do with poultry on a girls' night about town?

Anyway, I do hope you can join us - it would be nice to have some company whilst Bertie is sleeping - I do always love a good jingle on the piano, and my lady in waiting just never knows where to put her hands! Bertie tells me you are wonderfully ambidextrous, so I cannot wait to experience your skills.

I do hope you'll join our little twosome soon

Yours Ever So

Lady Rachel

Date set for fun and Frolics!

2005-03-10T12:32:00.000Z

Sir,

Don't tell me... You're Mother has once again locked you up, taken away your stationary and forbade you to converse with me, even via the medium of pen and paper.

Anyhow, on the off chance that this finds its way into your hand, a date has been set for the Stag Party. This weekend in fact. If you can manage to even scribble me a quick "I'll be there with knobs on!" or a "I'm not coming out!" at least that way I shall know to continue to organise it or not.

Hope to see you there, if you feel you can make the effort. It is for your benefit. One last hoorah with the boys. Go out with a big bang!

Jeeves

Guest List

2005-03-02T14:46:00.000Z

Sir,

Here is a provisional guest-list for your Stag Night. All have expressed an interest in a 'knees up'...

Father Handelme (I was surprised that he would be up for some fun and frolics)

Inspector Kreviss (He says he has forgiven you for the complete waste of Police time after you were more than compliant with him taking down your particulars)

The Inspectors 'Bobbies' (After the 'disappearance' fiasco, they felt they should at least get something out of you...)

And of course the gentlemen I mentioned in my previous missive. These will be accompanied by Niall Nobson, Uri Nalcleena, Humphrey 'Hump' Hargreaves and Jonathan 'Johnny' Cum-Lately.

The entertainment will be supplied by one Montgomery Full. At this moment in time I am not sure as to the precise nature of his 'entertainment' but he assured me he always gets a standing ovation from his audience.

Not long now!

Jeeves

Rutting your stuff!

2005-02-27T22:32:00.000Z

Sir,

As you know I am an early riser and did wonder what that was sticking through the wall.

And I have warned you about doing drugs. Cocaine in regular or diet varieties is bad for you. And I told you not to go into public lavortaries with men offering dubious substances to stick up your nose.

If you really are dead set against marrying the deligthful Lady Rachel you must find some just cause or impediment why the marriage should not go ahead. I can't think of anything at the moment, but maybe if we put our heads together something will come up.

Though I have to tell you I have started organising your Stag Night. All the chaps will be there. Helmut 'Hands' Hardmann, Potts Tosser, Tinker Wiffyew and the rest... So you could always enjoy a knees up, then decide upon a course of action. You know I'll give you a hand, whatever you decide.

Shall I see you at the club for the 'do'?

Jeeves

Glory Hole

2005-02-26T11:40:00.000Z

Jeeves

You know very well that there is a hole between our two rooms, with my binoculars rather than bother you in the middle of the night I just stuck it in the hole and watched you toss and turn.
I will admit that I have been watching Jenkins - which is why it concerns me even more that he has disapeared... how else am I to enjoy my Diet Coke break?
Regarding Rachel.. she is vile Jeeves, vile.. how am I to feign interest in her? How? She visits every other day and brings me treats, but all I can think about is the chocolate treats you give me. Hers pale in comparison!
The wedding date is getting ever closer... how am I to escape?

Bertie
x

Ding Dong Bells...

2005-02-20T12:34:00.000Z

Sir,

I really don't understand why you would want to get out of this wedding with the delightful Lady Rachel. She is beautiful and extremely talented. I hear she is terribly good at table-tennis.

I have my suspicions about this Jenkins character. If you did not employ him and I did not engage his services, someone else must have. But why? I have for some time now believed that we have been spied upon. Was this Jenkins in their employ? As for your binoculars they looked like they had been trained on him and his weather-beaten body. I was in the room next door, how could you see me with binoculars through a wall?

Kreviss told me he had to be quite rough with you to get all he wanted. He said he was pumping you for information for hours. It appears you weren't very forth-coming, as if you were hiding something.

Father Handelme said he was disappointed not to be conducting your memorial but will content himself with perfoming your wedding ceremony. Have you decided upon a best-man yet?

Jeeves

PS I am sure you are quite capable of getting your rocks off on your own. I mean how did you handle such things before I came?

Pigeon Chested

2005-02-20T11:01:00.000Z

Jeeves,

I tried to get a pigeon to you, but it wouldn't fly away, it was then I realised that Jenkins had shot the blighter. I feel that the man also has it in for us, or maybe he just has it in me?
I am concerned that as you know not who Jenkins is that I am going banana's! Although since I managed to regain contact with you, he seems to have disapeared.
Kreviss is well and truley open to all of my comings and goings, as in he now knows everything. I had to tell him, but he's a trusting sort. I also asked him what I could do about my impending doom, that is my arranged marraige to Rachel. Yes, I am sorry to break this to you Jeeves, but mumsy has put everything in place... how am I to escape this fate?
The binoculars, dear Jeeves, were the only way I could see you, we never seem to make contact any longer... I emplore you, may we meet tonight?
I can get my rocks off and you can come out from between the rock and the hard place and we can be happy, even if it's only for a short time... I know you're busy and tired...

Bertie
x

Miracle of Miracles!

2005-02-19T17:49:00.000Z

Sir,

I am flabbergasted, shocked and amazed! You led me to believe all manner of terrible things. You could have at least used a carrier pigeon or something. And what exactly does your mother have against me being your butler anyway? I can understand why she wants you to marry the lovely Lady Rachel, she is a very pretty girl (and she can tie knots in spaghetti with her tongue!).

Inspector Kreviss expects a full debriefing from you after the total waste of Police time. And one or two things remain un-explained. Who is Jenkins and where does he come from? Was it you hiding in, and subsequently coming out of, the closet? And why were there binoculars on your window cill?

I await a full explanation and not one of your half cocked come-backs. I too have been stuck between a rock and a hard place, and will try to help you in any way you see fit.

Jeeves

My Darling Jeeves!

2005-02-17T20:29:00.000Z

Jeeves!

I am so so so so sorry! Mumsy found all your letters and kept them from me, and I wasn't allowed to communicate with anyone..
I was so sad on Monday, I was hoping we would come into contact and catch up, but it wasn't to be... mumsy ushered me out of the house to meet Rachel!

What are we to do Jeeves?

We must formulate a plan... I need to escape, it's like mumsy has laided me down with huge boulders and I can't move... so Jeeves, you need to help me get my rocks off!

Awaiting your ideas

Bertie
x

Fin

2005-02-17T14:11:00.000Z

Sir,

Has the end finally come? Your continued inability or disinterest in writing to me has lead me to the dreadful conclusion that you are dead, or worse still living elsewhere, with a new Butler catering for your whims and fancies.

The Police have found no body but Inspector Kreviss believes that, if you were not murdered, you were most probably press-ganged, and now spend your time aboard a rusty steam ship tossing with dirty seamen upon the high seas.

Whichever may be the case I will be holding a memorial service at the local parish church. Father Handelme will be conducting the service, as he remembers you well from your time as a choir boy.

In the vain hope that there is an afterlife or that you pull into dock some day soon I leave this letter on your dresser. God be with you Sir.

Jeeves

The Saint Valentine's Day Mascara.

2005-02-14T16:01:00.000Z

Sir,

Due to your prolonged abscence I have now reluctantly informed the Police. They came this morning and stuck around until they had inspected every nook and cranny.

The only thing they drew my attention to was the collection of lacey pink undergarments and make-up secreted in a false bottom. I must confess I was very surprised to see these. I could offer them no explaination other than you had a secret love (the lovely Lady Rachel perhaps?) I could see no other reason to you having hidden ladies panties in your room.

The officer in charge, an Inspector Kreviss, took me to one side and asked me if I knew whether you had had any unterward dealings with members of the underworld. I wasn't sure what he was infering but I kept quiet all the same. All I mentioned was that that man Jenkins had arrived not long before your current disappearance. The Inspector said that was something he would follow up, but in the mean time if I could keep an eye out and an ear to the ground, that would help their police enquiries...

And so Sir, I hope and I pray that you will return unharmed. It is Valentine's day today and I wish that whoever has you in their clutches will release their grip long enough for you to get off. For if the hold you for too long I fear you may die.

I hope and I pray that you will soon be back. So that I may carry out my duties for you once more.

Your ever faithful and concerned

Jeeves

Missing?

2005-02-11T12:46:00.000Z

Sir,

I am extremely worried about you. You have yet to reply to my missive and I haven't even as much as sniffed a whiff of your after shave for days now.

I may have to report you missing if you do not turn up soon. I fear the worst. You may have been kidnapped. Helpless to defend yourself from whatever may come your way. Picturing you like that, bound to a chair with something stuck in your mouth, makes me feel very odd indeed. I just wish I was there! If there is where you indeed are? You could be anywhere at all!

How am I supposed to function as a butler without you here? I can sort your socks and press your trousers, but what else? I may go and question that Oily best in the garden. He was ramming something into the compost heap earlier. Again I wasn't sure what but there was a lot of steam coming off it.

If I do not hear from you soon the Police will have to be called in. And when they are standing proud with their helmets on they always seem to bang into things. So as you can imagine I'd rather not get them up.

Jeeves

Appendage

2005-02-07T18:37:00.000Z

Sir,

I think someone has just come out of the closet! I just nipped downstairs to find a spare key and when I returned I found the door to it open and all your clothes scattered across the floor. On closer inspection I also found a variety of tools inside. It looks as if someone was screwing in there.

Your binoculars have gone and the window is now closed. I can't see that sweaty Ox of a man outside either. This is all rather strange...

Get back to me as soon as you can. I am concerned.

Jeeves

Rear Window

2005-02-06T19:33:00.000Z

Sir,

I can pick you up some paper from the stationers. Will you be wanting me to go down?

I still have no idea who this Jenkins is. I did see a sheepish looking character sniffing around your back door. Is this him? He looked very rough and rather dirty. He seems rather suspicious to me Sir.

I am sure I also witnessed the same bit of rough tossing something over the garden wall. I couldn't be sure but it did look like one off my prize winning cucumbers. Or it could have been a large carrot. It was dark and I couldn't quite tell, but he was definately up to no good.

Then in the morning the self same bounder was out there again lifting his shirt, and bearing his bronzed chest to the world! Such brazen exhibitionism... I came to inform you but all I found in your room was a pair of binoculars on the window sill. By this point there in the garden below, this filthy wretch was bending over and tugging at some weeds. How these had managed to get into the garden I don't know. Our old gardener you used to get in would never had stood for it. In fact as I remember he was often on his belly, really getting close to nature and to the root of things.

I leave you this note in the hope that on your return you will read it and share my concerns about this 'man'. I must now sign off I can hear something in the wardrobe...

Your eternal servant,

Jeeves

P.S. The wardrobe appears to be locked, from the inside!

2005-02-04T18:41:00.000Z

Jeeves

I am so sorry for my delayed response. Mummy confiscated all my paper and ink as she guessed we had been corresponding... I think it was due to the fact that I continued writing when she was there... anyway...

Jenkins! Come on, Jenkins! I know you must know him, stop trying to anger me Jeeves. He is the chap who works up the backside of the house with the logs. Rack your brain Jeeves.

Are we too meet tonight?

Bertie
x

I'm back!

2005-01-27T20:36:00.000Z

Sir,

I have just arrived home to find your letter. Aunt Patsy was very dear to me, but as it turned out all her will said on it was "Carry On!". So I shall try to the best of my abilities to continue as she would have wished, at your every beck and call. Or have I got that muddled up?

I pressume you have gone off to visit one of your numerous wealthy relatives for the day. But I shall make sure there is something tasty waiting for you on the dining table.

I'm afraid Jim Jenkins fails to ring any bells. Are you sure I have met him? I am surprised you managed to employ a gardener to tend to your backyard at all! The ground is so uneven and sloped, you were lucky to find an uphill gardener in this day and age.

I had to make sure I was back for this afternoon because a Delivery Man will be arriving with a large package and I should hate to be out when he comes.

Jeeves

2005-01-27T16:18:00.000Z

Jeeves,

I'm sorry I've not replied sooner, I found these letters all around the house, my last letter was rather irratic, I dont know what I was thinking writing down what was actually going on at the time, maybe it is because I felt you would want to know? Or maybe I am in fact, going insane? I'm sure the cook has been slipping something rather odd into me when I'm not looking.
You know Jenkins! Don't come the innocent with me. You would probably know him better as Jim. He trims my hedge mainly.
Jeeves, I am rather sickened to hear that you befriended a street walker! I doubt it is the same woman, Rachel is far too high up the social ladder to risk breaking a rung.
I am also sorry to hear about your Aunt Patsy.. I know I'm selfish - but does this mean I'm not to see you Butle around my parts for a while?

Bertie

Just a quickie!

2005-01-26T10:52:00.000Z

Sir,

I have been informed of the sad passing of my Aunt Patsy and must leave immediately to sort out her affairs. I will be back shortly but if you need me at all I can be reached at 155 Rowlands End, Worcestershire.

Jeeves

Post Scriptum

2005-01-25T22:55:00.000Z

PS

Please forgive my spelling inaccuracies in my previous missive. It must be catching! I of course meant Lady Rachel. Rahcel is one of the street walkers I befriended one cold autumn night five years ago... I wonder if they could be one in the same person? And as for the mispelling of 'occured', I can offer no explanation.

Carry On Up The Creek...

2005-01-25T22:24:00.000Z

Sir,

Surely marriage should be news for celebration? Is Lady Rahcel really such a harridan?

And how strange that you should write down what is happening as it happens. Did your Mother not find it peculiar that you were feverishly scribbling down events as the uccured? And your spelling is becoming quite erratic. 'Enterance'? Or is this code for something?

And who is Jenkins? Have you employed another man and not informed me? Does that mean there will be three for nibbles or will we be eating out? I really wish you'd let me know when we are expecting visitors. The last time it happened I was rather cut short. You were lucky that I was able to toss something off in the kitchen at such short notice.

And you know I will come with you wherever and whenever you wish. I am your Butler after all and as such am at liberty to bow to every whim and fancy that may take you. If you follow me...?

Jeeves

2005-01-25T22:12:00.000Z

Jeeves,

I have to tell you something terribly important...
Mother wishes me to marry Rachel!
I know, I am totally adverse to this decision and will fight it all the....
oh hello mumsy, what am I doing? Erm, just checking the ink well].. Jeeves? Oh I think he is with Jenkins the Gardener round the back enterance.

That was close.

Jeeves, I must escape this house... would you come?

Bertie

Arise with the cock!

2005-01-25T19:11:00.000Z

Sir,

I fondly remember the cottaging holiday. But there were a few sticky situations which left me uncomfortable. It was rather small and pokey in there, I would have liked more room to spread myself out. I did enjoy our fishing trip though. Taking out our tackle and dipping our rods in the water. And I swear to this day mine was bigger.

Reminiscing about the holiday now I must confess I feel a warm glow. I cannot think of anyone I would rather Butle for. The way you handled that cock that insisted on arising at 4 in the morning! As you said at the time "It's terribly hard to sleep with that in your ear".

We must plan our time better, it does seem we constantly miss each other. We will run out of note paper before too long.

Jeeves

Shcocking

2005-01-25T16:40:00.000Z

Jeeves

Alright, I admit it, I was taking my frustrations out on you, I too was tipsy, and I'll bally well tell you why!
I'm lonely Jeeves. I ask you to meet me and you never show, we can only seem to correspond through ink and paper, which makes me sad. We've been through so much together.
I remember when you used to bounce me up and down on your knee, why can't it be like that again, like it was three weeks ago at the cottage?
Jeeves, what have I done to lose your friendship so quickly?

Respond as soon as you can

Bertie

2005-01-24T17:54:00.000Z

Sir,

Apologies for my poor grammar. The street scum with the banana must have rubbed off on me. And may I say Sir I think you have spent too much time in America lately. Your writing seems influenced by yanks.

Lady Rachel? She sounds delightful Sir, is there any chance I will get to 'vet' her as it was?

Rest assured your bed will be toasty warm. I have a device that you prop up under the covers that radiates heat. Just don't come in direct contact with it as you may get a shock.

Jeeves

fruity needs

2005-01-24T17:48:00.000Z

Jeeves

First of all I have reason to believe you were slightly tipsy while writing that last letter, your grammer was all over the place.
I usually find when you give a chap a tip they shoot off, also when you give them a tap. I must scare them or something.
A secret admirer?
Oh dear, I do believe that mumsy is trying to set me up with a distant cousin of mine, Lady Rachel. Dont worry Jeeves, it will no way happen, she is certainly not my type.
Jeeves are you going to meet me tonight or will I have to warm my bed myself?

Bertie

Crumpet every night

2005-01-24T17:39:00.000Z

Sir,

As I was coming in the tradesman's entrance a roughian apprehended me and thrust what felt like a large cucumber into my hand. On closer inspection it turn out to be more like a banana, what with the bend in it. He whispered in my ear and informed me that I was to give it to you, a gift from an anonymous admirer no less. I gave the man a tip and off he shot.

So the question remains... Who is this secret admirer. I must say I fel a little jealous. It's usually I who looks after your fruity needs.

Jeeves

PS The bed pan sprung a leak so I shall have to find another way to warm your bed.

rough and ready

2005-01-24T08:24:00.000Z

Jeeves,

I'm quite happy to be seen in the underbelly. I enjoy the ruff and ready of butlerdom. I once told mummy that I wanted to be just like you Jeeves, she was rather taken aback, and began crying, something about wanting grandchildren... I didn't understand her.
I dont always enter through the front door Jeeves! I've never been one to bally well flaunt my status. Well, there have been occasions... at parties... I suppose...

Jeeves, can we meet tonight? I will need my bed pan tonight, it is cold out, please meet me upstairs?

Bertie

A Butlers Role

2005-01-24T01:12:00.000Z

Sir,

What goes on below stairs is not for a man in your position. It can be very dirty and often unpleasant. A gentleman of your class should not wish to be seen in the seedy underbelly of the home.

You enter via the front door, whereas I come up the back passage. That is how it is, and that is how it will always be.

Jeeves

2005-01-24T01:10:00.000Z

Jeeves!

I desperately want to come below stairs... isn't that obvious?

Bertie

Meet

2005-01-23T23:54:00.000Z

Sir

The evening was indeed a success. I received a great many tips from my fellow Butlers. Some which I hope to put into practise with you.

If you are inviting me to sup with you I do not know if I could accept. Though the offer is appreciated I feel it would be against the Butlers code of ethics. So you see, I am in something of a quandry. If I was your guest who would be on hand to see you got what you wanted? And we can't really have you waiting on me hand and foot...

Jeeves

2005-01-23T23:48:00.000Z

Jeeves,

Thank you so much for last night, it meant the world, all that extra care an attention, especially when I misplaced the soap.
The evening was a sucess, all that would have made it better was to have you there... and then.
I hope your meeting was satisfactory.
Could we meet after hours at some point?
I have a few things I'd rather like to get off my chest.

Bertrum

A Loofer

2005-01-23T20:34:00.000Z

Sir

I was rather hoping to attend an evening with the boys of the Butler's Ass ociation. However, I will stay behind and help you scrub the places you can't reach. Remember Sir, my duty is first and fullmost to you. I am always at hand.

Yours

Jeeves

PS I can afford to arrive 10 mintues late to the meeting at most, so if I haven't finished you off by then you will have to do it yourself.

Crack on

2005-01-21T21:52:00.000Z

Jeeves,

Yes, please fill it, right up to the rim, and quickly, and yes, bring Mr Quacks.
Jeeves, I know this is above the call of duty, and you were supposed to, as they say, knock off shortly. But is there any way you could stay on for a bit longer tonight and scrub my back? It would be greatly appreciated.

Wooster

wet and warm

2005-01-21T18:11:00.000Z

Sir,

Apologies. I am endeavouring to fill it just as you like. Will the rubber duck be required?

Jeeves

You know how I like it

2005-01-21T18:01:00.000Z

Jeeves

Every time you ask me how I like it, you should know this by now. I like it quick and hot, now get to it!

Wooster

ps - sorry to raise my voice, I am rather in a rush you know

At it!

2005-01-21T17:59:00.000Z

Dear Sir,

I am just testing the water. How do you like it?

Jeeves

Bath water

2005-01-21T17:41:00.000Z

Jeeves

Will you please jump to it and get my bath water running, I have an important engagement and I can't be at all late!

Yours sincerely
Wooster